I played кёрлинг (curling) and actually won…

To know Russia, you have to suffer through its winter. I’m sorry to perpetuate that stereotype, but it is true. Aside from suffering and getting depressed from the lack of sunlight, you could also take part in some sort of winter sport. Lucky for me, I got the chance to live in Russia during the hype of the Sochi Winter Olympics. And who would have known that my initiation into the world winter sports would begin with the sport that everyone likes to scoff at—CURLING …(scoff).

Curling is a sport in which players have to slide a very heavy, granite rock across a sheet of ice until it reaches a target made up of concentric circles. The target is divided into segments. Each team can store a point of granite rock lands in the segment closest to center. That’s not even the fun part. One member of the team has to toss the rock and, as it’s moving towards the target, the rest of the members have to try to influence the movement and the direction of the rock by sweeping the ice in front of the rock as it slides forward. Whether or not this “sweeping” actually influences the rock’s direction, is something I shall ponder forever.

When I went to Krasnoyarsk to stay with the relatives of the Russian consul in Puerto Rico, I never imagined that I would actually have the chance to participate in a winter sport. Liliya, my host in Krasnoyarsk, is an active curling player. She even participates in tournaments. So she decided to take me one of her tournaments and show me the wonders of this exhilarating game.

It was -20 something Celsius and still dark outside when Lilya woke me up to go curling. My eyes fully opened once when we arrived to the curling arena. Since it was really cold inside of the ring and I did not have proper curling clothes, Lilya asked one of her friends to switch coats with me (because mine was too short). If it were not for this guy’s kindness, I don’t think I would have been able to enjoy the wonder of curling. So I put this guy’s foul-smelling sweater and coat in order not to freeze to death. As I basked in my savior’s body odor, I was trying to figure out what I was doing there in the first place. Then, Lilya handed me a “slider”—an attachable sole that enables curling players to slide on the ice—and a curling broom.

I fell three times while trying to move the heavy granite stones, but at least I managed to learn how to throw the stone. It felt like throwing a bowling without letting go and sliding down the bowling alley with it. At some point I even felt like i was playing pool on ice because I was trying to hit the opposing teams stones, hoping that their stone would push my stone into the center of the target. Apart from sliding the stone, I did not do much…maybe because I felt stupid running behind a rock on sheet of ice. My strategy was unique and far-reaching: stay in the back and move around so you look like your are actaully contributing something to this game. So no, no sweeping for me.

Beginner’s luck never fails, though. I managed to throw two stones that landed close to the center and helped my team win second place. After using my two alloted turns per game, I went back into the heated room and huddled next to the heater. I can’t really complain, one of my teamates served me tea and cognac, while a some burly, Siberian dude offered to give me a foot massage—which I accepted, of course. That heavenly massage— not the fact that my team actually won second place at the curling tournament— made my day.

best.foot.massage. in.my. life.

me with my silver medal and steve buscemi eyes

sweep, sweep.

feet of a champion